I'm grateful today for old friends. And yes, not just a friend who has been around quite a while, but a friend that has, indeed, grown considerably older - right along with me. I first met Carol Graydon in 1981, during a hard life experience. Jimmie had been seriously injured in a motorcycle accident, requiring a significant hospital stay, surgery, and long recovery. Carol showed up at the hospital, a virtual stranger to me, to take me to lunch. That was the beginning of a long and sweet friendship; she became the sister I never had.
We cannot tell the precise moment when friendship is formed. As in filling a vessel drop by drop, there is at last a drop which makes it run over. So in a series of kindnesses there is, at last, one which makes the heart run over. (James Boswell)
Through good times and bad, living close by and out-of-state, seeing eye-to-eye and agreeing to disagree, from diapers and play days to weddings and arthritis, from suburb to country, rejoicing times and grieving times, from successes to heart breaks, in season and out - she has been a sister in the Lord, a sister of my heart, a precious gift from the Lord for which there are not words enough to give adequate thanks. She has invested her life into mine - "drop by drop -" until, at last, somewhere back there along the 30-year road, one drop caused my heart to overflow, creating a depth of friendship that only the Lord can give.
The way to make a true friend is to be one. Friendship implies loyalty, esteem, cordiality, sympathy, affection, readiness to aid, to help, to stick, to fight for, if need be. ... Radiate friendship and it will return sevenfold. (B. C. Forbes)
I met her yesterday for lunch - the first time we'd had the opportunity to even see each other in a long time. We sat right there for 4 hours, never once running out of things to share. Although the season of life in which we find ourselves at present has not allowed for frequent, regular times together, there has been sufficient time invested through the years to maintain the friendship. It's like having a well-funded savings account. When "lean" times come, you're able to make it through without hardship, relying on the money you've faithfully saved during the "fat" times. And so it is with a long, enduring friendship. The prior investments are so significant - both in quantity and in quality - that they are well able to tide you over, when life makes current investment difficult.
I don't need a friend who changes when I change and who nods when I nod; my shadow does that much better. (Plutarch)
After 30 years of various circumstances, of the kind that often bring friendships to an end, I believe the Lord has glued our hearts together for the long haul. We have laughed together, cried together, encouraged one another, challenged one another, and no doubt given each other occasion to exercise anger management and patience, as well! We have not always agreed. Real love does not find it necessary to always agree. What is necessary is the willingness to listen, to consider, and to love regardless. Being "on the same page" is a great thing; not being on the same page - and still experiencing acceptance and love - is a greater thing.
I am learning to live close to the lives of my friends without ever seeing them. No miles of any measurement can separate your soul from mine. (John Muir)
The thirty years of our friendship have included six years of living in different states; my family spent three years in New Orleans and three years in Chattanooga. During those times, Carol and I learned how to maintain a long-distance friendship. Many investments of time, energy, and finances were made during those years as we traveled, called, and wrote. No such thing as email back then, so it took a little more effort - effort made willingly, faithfully. It paid off. And today - with family commitments that take up most of the available time and energy - I've learned to "live close" to her life "without ever seeing her." Things such as email and Facebook help make that possible. I peek into the lives of her children regularly, traveling through FB world, keeping my finger on their family pulse, and adding my prayers to their mother's as I go. It is an old cliche, but nonetheless accurate, "Where there is a will, there is a way."
Good friendships are fragile things and require as much care as any other fragile and precious thing. (Randolph Bourne)
At first thought, the above quote may seem a contradiction to some of what has been said here. However, I think of it more as a parallel truth. If the goal is an enduring friendship, then you must learn to guard your tongue at times, rather than acting on the premise that you can always "be yourself" with a real friend. Though having been saved since childhood, I have yet to reach the state of sinlessness! As such, just "being myself" is not always a good idea! Allowing the Holy Spirit to change me, to control my tongue, to temper my reactions and soften my words is a much better approach than just "being myself!" While it is true that, "A friend is one who knows all about you, and still likes you," and that "When you've made a fool of yourself, a true friend doesn't feel you've done a permanent job," using God's Word as your standard for real love (as in 1 Corinthians 13), protects and nurtures friendship far more than constantly letting your guard down and just being yourself! 1 Peter 5:8 instructs us, "Be sober-minded; be watchful. Your adversary the devil prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour." This certainly applies significantly to the area of friendship, as well as to every other area of life. We've got to be on guard! Ephesians 4:32 tells us, "Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." To enjoy the blessing of a friendship that will stay the course, putting this into practice is a necessary part of the relationship. It serves as the WD-40 that silences the squeak. You're familiar with that squeak. It's the one that drives you crazy, annoys you beyond endurance, and brings this urge to end it, at all cost. A faithful application of 1 Corinthians 13 and Ephesians 4:32 will protect against any and all squeaks of that nature, and enable a friendship to go thirty years and beyond! I'm grateful for a friend that faithfully applies that "healing balm" to my grating squeaks. Without it, my squeaks would have brought things to an end a long time ago! :o)
There is no wilderness like a life without friends; friendship multiplies blessings and minimizes misfortunes; it is a unique remedy against adversity, and it soothes the soul. (Baltasar Gracian)
I have two friendships in my life that exceed this one in both priority and in depth - with my precious husband, and my Lord. Without the Lord's wonderful friendship, the love and care with which He faithfully covers my life, no other friendship of any true worth and value would even be possible. He is the Source from which all blessings flow. Indeed, "What A Friend We Have In Jesus!" Second only to Him is the invaluable friend He has given me in Jimmie. Everything I've said here about my dear friend, Carol, could be said in even stronger terms that these. To enjoy a marriage for 36 years, and be stronger and closer than you were in the past, involves every single point discussed here, and much more. But another friend, such as the Lord has given to me in Carol, will bolster and support those other "friendships" of greater importance. She has never failed to give input into my life that consistently holds up and protects those two relationships in my life as a greater priority. Because of this, I have not known what it is to experience the "wilderness like a life without friends." Truly, my blessings have been multiplied, my misfortunes minimized, my adversity remedied, and my soul soothed. Such are the benefits of enduring friendship!
A man that has friends must show himself friendly..." (Proverbs 18:24)
It is often said that to have a friend, you must be a friend - a truth that comes straight from Scripture. While often quoted, I fear it is rarely understood. "Showing yourself friendly," or being a friend, involves all that has been spoken of here today, and so much more. I recently read this anonymous quote, "To have a good friend is one of the highest delights of life; to be a good friend is one of the noblest and most difficult undertakings." I believe this to be a true statement, learned from my own life experience. And I have learned that few are willing to tackle this "most difficult undertaking." I am deeply grateful today that my friend was willing. I have been immeasurably blessed, because she was.
The cup of true friendship, filled with God's kind of love, must always be "perceived as a cup which runneth over," rather than a finite vessel from which the more one friend drinks, the less is left over for others." A true friend is not jealous, nor possessive, and as such, always leaves room for more. God's kind of love is constantly being renewed, manufacturing more and more, with plenty to share with all those God sends your way. Consequently, though Carol is the friend that God has planted in my life so deeply, and for such a long tenure, I have been immensely blessed with many precious friends. Sometimes life moves along in ways that bring friends in and out of daily experience. I have dear friends that were a vital part of my day-to-day life many years ago, and have been re-introduced to me now through Facebook. What a delight that has been to my heart! There are many dear ones that have remained through the passing of years, that -while not always part of everyday life and experience, are nonetheless so very important to me, and so very loved.
I am thanking the Lord today for every "old friend" in my life, for every blessing they have "dropped into my cup," for the inestimable treasure they have been, are still today, and will continue to be. Truly, I am a blessed woman!
No comments:
Post a Comment