The Challenge - Speak the Truth In Love

The Challenge – Speak the truth in love! 

It sounds so simple.  But when I’m in the midst of a verbal (or even written) discussion – with someone I care deeply for, and about an issue I believe to be critical to their wellbeing, both now and for eternity – it is suddenly so very hard to figure out exactly how one accomplishes that challenge – to speak the truth in love!  

I so often come across as harsh, judgmental, unloving, etc, etc, etc – in spite of the fact that I desire strongly NOT to be so, and in truth do love the person very much, and care deeply about their life.  The fact of the matter is that if I did not love them and care deeply for them, the issue would not be something that really mattered to me.  Their acceptance or rejection of the truth would not be "a biggie" to me.  The whole problem rises to the top because I DO love them.

So … here are some truths I’ve been pondering as I’ve wrestled with this life challenge … to speak the truth – in love.

God loves all men.

John 3:16, "For God so loved the world, that He gave His only begotten Son, that whosoever believeth in Him should not perish, but have everlasting life."

God's desire is for all men to believe in Him and be saved.

Ezekiel 33:11, "Say unto them, As I live, saith the Lord GOD, I have no pleasure in the death of the wicked; but that the wicked turn from his way and live: turn ye, turn ye from your evil ways; for why will ye die, O house of Israel." 

2nd Peter 3:9, "The Lord is not slack concerning his promise, as some men count slackness; but is longsuffering to us-ward, not willing that any should perish, but that all should come to repentance."

He loves men before they ever understand they have sinned – before they come to him for forgiveness.

Romans 5:8, "But God commendeth his love toward us, in that, while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us." 

While it is clear that God does, indeed, love the sinner, at one and the same time, he is also angry with the sinner.  That is also abundantly clear.

Psalm 7:11 "God is angry with the wicked every day." 

John 3:36 warns that "the wrath of God abides" on unbelievers.

It is not a question of whether God is angry with the sinner, or that He loves the sinner.  It is not either-or; it is both-and.

There are things that God tells us He hates.

Proverbs 6:16-19 is one place where God lists specific things that He hates:

These six things does the LORD hate: yes, seven are an abomination unto Him:  A proud look, a lying tongue, and hands that shed innocent blood, a heart that devises wicked imaginations, feet that are swift in running to mischief, a false witness that speaks lies, and he that sows discord among brethren.

In the context of our responsibility as Christian men and women, we often hear, “Hate the sin, but love the sinner.”

This is not a Bible quote (rather, from Mahatma Gandhi), but the Bible does, indeed, teach us to hate sin:

Proverbs 8:13 ESV

The fear of the Lord is hatred of evil.  Pride and arrogance and the way of evil and perverted speech I hate.

Psalm 101:3 ESV

I will not set before my eyes anything that is worthless. I hate the work of those who fall away; it shall not cling to me.

Psalm 97:10 ESV

O you who love the Lord, hate evil!

That same Word of God, the Bible, also teaches us to love others:

John 13:34 ESV

A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another: just as I have loved you, you also are to love one another.

1 John 4:19-21 ESV

We love because he first loved us. If anyone says, “I love God,” and hates his brother, he is a liar; for he who does not love his brother whom he has seen cannot love God whom he has not seen. And this commandment we have from him: whoever loves God must also love his brother.

Philippians 2:3-4 ESV

Do nothing from rivalry or conceit, but in humility count others more significant than yourselves. Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.

It is, therefore, crucial that we have a clear understanding of what God means when He uses the word “love.”

Before looking at that word “love,” here is another important Scripture to ponder, especially when dealing with our relationships with others, as we attempt to speak the truth:

“Think not that I came to send peace on the earth: I came not to send peace, but a sword. For I came to set a man at variance against his father, and the daughter against her mother, and the daughter in law against her mother in law” Matthew 10:34-35

The claims of Scripture - and a person’s acceptance or rejection of them - will most assuredly divide!  Yet … we are called to “love.”

So, what does God mean when He says “love?”  This is so important to the almighty God of the universe that He addressed it at length.  The best passage in Scripture for grasping God’s opinion about love can be found in 1 Corinthians 13.  The entire chapter is on the subject of love, but verses 4-6 give a detailed description of what God means when He uses the word.

“Love is patient and kind; love does not envy or boast; it is not arrogant or rude.  It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with the truth.”

Those verses tell us how we are to think about the sinner, what our attitude should be as we speak to him, interact with him, etc.  And as we think, so will we act.  (Prov 23:7)  But it does not mean we should refrain from confronting him with the truth.  In fact, we are commanded to “speak the truth,” but to do it in patience and kindness, without being arrogant or rude.

Walking in and Speaking Truth

Psalm 15:1-2  O Lord, who shall sojourn in your tent? Who shall dwell on your holy hill? He who walks blamelessly and does what is right and speaks truth in his heart;

Zechariah 8:16 These are the things that you shall do: Speak the truth to one another; render in your gates judgments that are true and make for peace;

Ephesians 4:25 Therefore, having put away falsehood, let each one of you speak the truth with his neighbor, for we are members one of another.

1 John 3:18  Little children, let us not love in word or talk, but in deed and in truth.

As we speak the truth, we must remember that whenever the truth of Scripture is rejected, it is not us being rejected, but God Himself.  

When we remember this (1 Samuel 8:7), it helps us to obey the instruction to not be irritable or resentful when dialoguing with an unbeliever.  The minute we take their rejection personally, we’re in trouble – and it becomes almost impossible to keep our tone, words, and facial expressions from being negatively affected by their often caustic words. 

Here is one of the best discussions of “Hate the sin; love the sinner” that I’ve seen; it came from gotQuestions?org, a great site to explore God's Word on many topics.

“Many Christians use the cliché “Love the sinner, hate the sin.” However, we must realize that this is an exhortation to us as imperfect human beings. The difference between us and God in regard to loving and hating is vast. Even as Christians, we remain imperfect in our humanity and cannot love perfectly, nor can we hate perfectly (in other words, without malice). But God can do both of these perfectly, because He is God. God can hate without any sinful intent. Therefore, He can hate the sin and the sinner in a perfectly holy way and still be willing to lovingly forgive at the moment of that sinner's repentance and faith (Malachi 1:3; Revelation 2:6; 2 Peter 3:9).

“The Bible clearly teaches that God is love. First John 4:8-9 says, “Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him.” Mysterious but true is the fact that God can perfectly love and hate a person at the same time. This means He can love him as someone He created and can redeem, as well as hate him for his unbelief and sinful lifestyle. We, as imperfect human beings, cannot do this; thus, we must remind ourselves to “love the sinner, hate the sin.”

“How exactly does that work? We hate sin by refusing to take part in it and by condemning it when we see it. Sin is to be hated, not excused or taken lightly. We love sinners by being faithful in witnessing to them of the forgiveness that is available through Jesus Christ. A true act of love is treating someone with respect and kindness even though he/she knows you do not approve of his lifestyle and/or choices. It is not loving to allow a person to remain stuck in sin. It is not hateful to tell a person he/she is in sin. In fact, the exact opposites are true. We love the sinner by speaking the truth in love. We hate the sin by refusing to condone, ignore, or excuse it.”

More on speaking the truth:

“1 Peter 3:15, “But in your hearts set apart Christ as Lord. Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect...” There is no excuse for a Christian to be completely unable to defend his or her faith. Every Christian should be able to give a reasonable presentation of his or her faith in Christ.  No, not every Christian needs to be an expert in apologetics. Every Christian, though, should know what he believes, why he believes it, how to share it with others, and how to defend it against lies and attacks.

“A second aspect of Christian apologetics that is often ignored is the second half of 1 Peter 3:15, “but do this with gentleness and respect...” Defending the Christian faith with apologetics should never involve being rude, angry, or disrespectful. While practicing Christian apologetics, we should strive to be strong in our defense and at the same time Christ-like in our presentation. If we win a debate but turn a person even further away from Christ by our attitude, we have lost the true purpose of Christian apologetics.

“Christian apologetics is simply presenting a reasonable defense of the Christian faith and truth to those who disagree. Christian apologetics is a necessary aspect of the Christian life. We are all commanded to be ready and equipped to proclaim the gospel and defend our faith (Matthew 28:18-20; 1 Peter 3:15). That is the essence of Christian apologetics.”

Is there a time to refrain from sharing truth?

Most assuredly.  Again, this is from gotquestions.org:

"Do not cast your pearls before swine" is a portion of the Sermon on the Mount, and to understand its meaning, we have to understand its context and placement within the sermon. Christ had just finished instructing the crowd on judgment and reproof: “Do not judge, or you too will be judged. For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you” (Matthew 7:1-2), and “You hypocrite, first take the plank out of your own eye, and then you will see clearly to remove the speck from your brother's eye” (Matthew 7:5). Then in verse 6, Christ tempers these admonitions and shows us the difference between “judgment” and “discernment.”

“The analogy of the dogs actually comes from Proverbs: “As a dog returns to its vomit, so a fool repeats his folly” (Proverbs 26:11). Swine are also described in this way, as illustrated by Peter: “Of them [false prophets and teachers] the proverbs are true: ‘A dog returns to its vomit,’ and, ‘A sow that is washed goes back to her wallowing in the mud’” (2 Peter 2:22). The dogs and swine here are representative of those who would ridicule, reject, and blaspheme the gospel once it has been given to them. We are not to put forth the gospel of Jesus Christ in the direction of someone who has no other purpose than to trample it and return to his own evil ways. We identify such people through discernment, which is given in some measure to all Christians (1 Corinthians 2:15-16).

“This does not mean we refrain from preaching the gospel. Jesus Himself ate with and taught sinners and tax collectors (Matthew 9:10). In essence, the instruction in Matthew 7:6 is the same that Jesus gave to His apostles when He said, “If anyone will not welcome you or listen to your words, shake the dust off your feet when you leave that home or town” (Matthew 10:14). We are not to judge others, for we are guilty of the same things they are. Reserving judgment, however, does not prevent us from discerning those who would accept, or at least respect, the gospel from those who would ridicule, mock, and trample it, and then turn on us and abuse us. Balancing judgment with discernment is the wisdom of serpents Jesus refers to in Matthew 10:16.”

In conclusion, it is, indeed, a challenge – learning to speak the truth in love - one I've not yet mastered.  However, studying it once again was helpful to me; I hope it will be to someone else, as well.

God bless you, fellow pilgrim, on your journey this day!